Colleen Winters on “Talking to Strangers”

Colleen Winter is the author of The Gatherer series of speculative thrillers. You can find out more about her on her website www.colleenwinter.ca

Recently, I held my annual Literary Feast, an event that I have written about previously in this space. The evening involves people coming together to share something with other guests that made an impression on them over the last year. I’ve been hosting these events for over 15 years and it’s a wonderful way to get past the small talk, to know my guests on a deeper level.

There is often a thread that weaves its way through the evening and this year, we spent a lot of time talking about strangers. Amazing stories started coming out of that single idea.

One person shared an exercise in a theatre workshop where actors guided participants through a list of questions to ask strangers they encountered on the street. When the hour got late, the only potential interviewees in the downtown were the homeless. The exercise continued into the evening and the person telling us about his theater workshop met a woman who had been to all the provinces and territories in Canada and a man who had saved someone’s life. He still sees the man who saved someone’s life around town.

When he spoke about the evening, there was a catch in my guest’s voice due to the power of the memory. Afterwards, he told us, participants in the theater exercise said they felt safer, more comfortable in their community, and more relaxed.

We all know people who can speak to anyone, anywhere. A woman who attended my Literary Feast has this gift, and when it was her turn, she spoke about a day when she was waiting at a crosswalk beside a man holding a bouquet of roses. She said, “Those are going to make someone feel better.”

The man at the crosswalk paused before responding, “Uh, not really.”

It turned out that this man worked at a funeral home and the flowers were for the hospital bed of someone who’d just died. A potentially awkward moment, but it turned out that the man had also laid one of the roses on the woman’s father’s bed eight years previously and that woman was able to thank him. It was a wonderful moment of sharing and connection, all because my guest had been brave enough to engage in conversation with a stranger while waiting for a traffic light to change.

It is those little sparks of connection that can change the course of a person’s day.

Another person had been trying to donate some bread to the homeless shelter but didn’t know where to go. He stopped to ask a woman experiencing homelessness where she went to get food, and she assumed that he was in need and spent several minutes explaining to him where to find food, the timing, and where he had to be when. There was no judgement or agenda, simply one human being helping another to find their way.

That, I believe, is the power of talking to strangers. It makes us see each other more clearly and enables us to care and provide for each other, even people we have just met. In that context, the whole idea of barricading ourselves off in our own private worlds is incomprehensible. We are social animals and we’d all do better to remember that.

We’ve all had moments of connections with strangers that have left their mark. Some may have been negative but overall, if you look closely, they are for good. Traditionally, I am not a person who will talk to anyone they meet. But I am learning. It still surprises me the lift that a small interaction can have on your day.

If you’re like me, be brave, and make that initiative for a few shared words. And if you’re one of those people who speaks easily with the world, bless you. You are providing an important service.

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With one foot in the world of technology and the other in the world of words, Colleen Winter’s fiction explores our relationship with technology and ultimately the choices it requires us to make. You can find out more about her on her website, www.colleenwinter.ca, or follow her on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram.